EDITORIAL: Hell, you're doing them a service

4th November 2006

LOUIS PIERARD

Two children are on their way to kindergarten. One says to the other: "Yesterday, I found a contraceptive on the patio". And the other replies: "What's a patio?"

It was just a joke ... once. The fact that it is now no longer amusing, but probably true, brings the sobering realisation that the loss of innocence is virtually complete: So effectively has the "safe sex" message been disseminated, and with the ardour of health professionals and state agencies, that we cannot really be surprised it should pop up anywhere ... even in a pizza.

In a stunt to promote its meat lovers' pizza named "Lust", (after one of the seven deadly sins) the Hell Pizza franchise has been delivering innuendo-laden, branded condom packets to letterboxes. The promotion has brought condemnation from family and morals groups who describe it as grubby, inappropriate and sleazy.

One woman who objected was pictured in a national daily holding a condom, unaware of the irony in her complaint that "I don't want to have to explain to an 11-year-old exactly what it is" (while at the time raising the expectation any passing 11-year-old would need an explanation of exactly what it was).

Regardless, the saturation of our daily lives with such messages means it must be getting to the point where an 11-year-old unfamiliar with condoms must be something of an oddity.

Of course, Hell defends its promotion saying it is a "cool, funny" marketing idea and that the chance to promote sexual health "was a bonus". Not a mention of the chance to stick it up anyone who objects, though.

The row over the condom in the pizza is one of those infernal conundrums that makes it a doubly hell for anyone who raises a voice in opposition and Hell's marketing people must be cheering with delight that all's going to plan.

Not only do they have the authority of government policy on their side in raising the profile of HIV-Aids-and-conception-free sex with each mouthful of their product, but they are guaranteed that those calculated to be most irritated immediately become, in spite of themselves, part of their promotion. Adjudication by the Advertising Standards Authority is also factored into the marketing plan.

And as for the seven deadly sins that Hell Pizza so cleverly exploits (the others being pride, avarice, envy, wrath, gluttony and sloth): These days mention of them in any other than a takeaway context is likely to be greeted by a blank look or derision. Nothing new there, though. A century ago century the French actress Sarah Bernhardt was asked by a reporter what she thought of them: "Zey are too many," she said.

And in 1993 MTV did a "Special News Report" on the seven deadly sins, which involved interviewing well-known entertainers from the music and television industry. All agreed that they were not vices and that the list was just "dumb".